fight.

Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to knw that you are a good person, and a good friend. What is ment to be will end up good, and what is not, wont. Relationships are worth firghting for, but you cant be the only one fighting. Sometimes people need  to fight for you. If they dont, then you muct move on and realize what you gave them, is more then they were willing to give you. And hopefully people realize great things when they come around, and dont lose something real. In the end, always fight, until you cant anymore, and then be fought for.

Monday Morning

This morning when i walked outside

The whole world was on pause.

No Wind.

No Voices.

No Birds.

No Cars, speeding down the street.

Nothing.

Completly still, and silent.

It didnt hit me, until I was two steps away from the door.

but the shoke of it hit me, mid stride.

There I was, standing one foot in front of the other,

eyes wide

waiting

waiting for something to start.

It was as if someone had fallen asleep at the controls,

and didnt hit the play button right away, when I shut the door behind me.

After the initial shellshock of the blow had subsided

I was left with a feeling of complete calmness.

A calmness that shook me to my core,

And grasped hold of my very being..

"is..is this what its like to-"

There must have been an alarm system in the control room,

because immidiatly the world started up again.

Not all at the same time, however

as if it wasnt trying to bring attention to itself.

But a gust of wind here..

a bird chirp there,

the sound of a passing engine in the distance.

with this being my cue, my steps started up again

Taking me farther, and farther from that moment, suspended in time.

People keep putting all there troubles on me,

and I keep stacking them up on my back

my body now resembles that of an atlas.

How I long, for the days I never had;

"Im glad that in my life, Ive never cut short my emotions.

The most awful thing is to be numb."

-Elizabeth Taylor

Maybe in another life;

Its so easy to pretend im not home when someone is knocking at my door.
I never let anyone in..
Ive lost myself under a thousand layers of sarcasm wit and indifference.
Ive lost myself in that tiny little hole.
But I cant help but see the walls are caving in.
And then there you were..
You opened the door.
Just.
This.
Once.
And for a moment, you found me.
But you ran away.

When the storm comes Ill laugh and Ill cry,
and Ill run through the streets, til my lungs explode.
Ill run.
Alone.
The wind is all I have.

Ill follow the colors youve so carefully painted around your little head of fire.
I will follow you into the night.
Only when the hue becomes so brilliant my eyes wont shut.
Only when the trembling of my fingertips drives me mad.
Ill know Ive found you.

To me, you are perfectly imperfect.
You are strange and beautiful.
But I can only see you when my eyes are shut.
So please dont wake me, let me sleep in.
Just.
This.
Once.

Maybe one day you will understand,
Maybe one day you will find me again.
I wish you would.

Maybe in another life.
Because your just a dream.

love.

Love. You may notice that I made that an entire sentence.
That one four-letter word can easily be a sentence on its own,
an entire book, or the meaning of life.
I doubt there has ever been a person on this planet,
who has not at some stage pondered the meaning of this little word.
People have lived for it, and people have died for it.

Love and God are probably the two words that encompass infinite connotations.

Most commonly we think of love as being 'in love' with another person,
or being loved by another person.

At the big end of the scale we often refer to our greatest love as our soul mate.

Being in love can make 'your heart sing'

Losing love,
and being unloved can make you feel like your soul has had all the lights turned off.

Love is so profound, complex, and illusive,
and yet it is the most basic and natural part of our hamanness.

As important as loving and being loved is,
I want you to consider a much more important aspect of life: 'self love.'

Without self-love, we are without purpose and are lacking in authenticity.

Without self-love we are simply not real.

At the very core of our existance is a hunger to know ourselves;
to feel connected, valued, secure, and important.

We all struggle to understand ourselves.
However, rarly do we dare to love ourselves,
or even consider the possibility and yet there is that longing. 
Deep within our heart of hearts is the knowledge of the possibility that we could,
and should.

Imagine your own potential if you could meet with your true self,
and find that you did indeed truly love yourself.

Lets get rid of the idea that i am talking about ego, vanity, boasting, or arrogence.
Self-love has nothing to do with these characteristics.
These are masks we wear, to hide the fact that we are insecure.

Self-love does not involve insecurity, or vanity.

How on earth did we all get so stuffed up,
that we actually believe that we are something less than perfect?

We have all learned to wear masks. We have had to.
Sometimes its a matter of self-preservation,
but mostly its social conditioning.

Its funny really,
to consider that we are all searching for our 'soul-mate' from behind our masks.

How will they know us? How will we know them, if we are both hiding?
Usually we dont even acknowledge our own falseness,
and yet we expect others to be authentic and to see us as authentic.

If you seriously want to create loving relationships in your life,
then you must first stop and consider, who and what you truly are.

Never Forget 9 1 1

The World Trade Centers

The Pentagon

Flight 93

Never Forget.

A long distance

I've decided to slowly let go of all my strings,
the ones that keep me bound so tightly with home.
because the reality is, this is my home now, and I need to move on.

ha.
easier said than done, right?
I come from a valley tucked away in the middle of nowhere-ish,
where gossip reaches your ears about things you havent even done yet,
and everyone you meet knows everyone you already know somehow...

and the thing is, when you leave,
if your one of the few that make it out, you dissapear...

you become part of the valleys secret history,
and they forget you..

much like the Shire in the Lord of the Rings,
you can return after saving Middle Earth,
and the response your likely to get when you walk into the local bar is
"Oh. havent seen you in a while, been busy..?"

this would be fine, but those people are my life,
and it pains me to think that the memories
and thoughts i so cherish will become
dusty old snapshots no one ever looks at, once I've gone.

at least, the one thing I can hold onto is, this valley will never change.
sure, places will close down and new ones will open,
and sure, people will date other people and befriend other friends,
but if I ever come home, it will all still be there, in the corner of the world...
waiting.

and in the meantime, id like to see the rest.
the unexplored. the unexplained. the new...

or is it just me?

sometimes i wonder if im the only one who sees anything the way i do.

sometimes im curious about whether anyone else can see the same sunset,
feel the same ending, or notice the same absense.

or is it just me?

sometimes i wonder if anyone else in the world could maybe be reading this,
and feeling a sigh of relief.

or am i completely alone in this?

or is it just me?